Segura and Kreischer roast each other's bodies on 2 Bears 1 Cave
Two hosts, two time zones, one episode of nothing but insults about how the other guy looks.
Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer recorded 2 Bears 1 Cave from opposite ends of the country and spent the episode picking apart each other's appearance. The episode is titled The Most Delusional Man In Comedy, which tells you who won.
Segura called in from an Atlanta movie set. Kreischer called in from Rocket Mortgage FieldHouse in Cleveland. Neither distance nor a day job stopped them.
The insults
Kreischer went at Segura's aging first, telling him he looks like he could be in Cocoon, then landing the harder one. "You look like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag." Segura came back with hospice care, saying people look at Kreischer and think of it, before handing over the title that became the episode name. He called Kreischer the most delusional person in standup.
You look like 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag.
Kreischer's defence was not a defence. He said he looks incredible. He said he is physically superior to Tom in every way. That is the delusion Segura was talking about.
What else got said
The two of them are planning a bench press push up challenge, 135 one time then one push up, then 135 two times then two push ups, and so on. Kreischer reckons he can get to seven.
Kreischer also said he is a normal drinker now, describing himself as very measured and saying he can have a drink or two and that is it. He went through recent oral surgery too, which he summed up as a nightmare, though he said he is now brushing his teeth twice a day. Small wins.
Segura talked about the shoot, saying they went until four in the morning and have been going hard. He also admitted his film taste has narrowed to whatever the algorithm puts in front of him, saying if something does not land on the front page of Apple or Netflix it goes past him these days.
Family news from Kreischer, his daughter Isa got her driver's licence and is driving for the first time at 20.
The tour plugs
Both of them had dates to sell. Kreischer announced Permission to Party with shows in Philly, Chicago, San Antonio and Corpus Christi, plus an Austin appearance in a couple of weeks. Segura pushed Preposterous, which went on general sale earlier, with a January through May leg and more dates coming.
The real story is that the roast is the format. Two guys who cannot be in the same room still found an hour of material in each other's faces.